Smotherhood

An update on taking my daughter to college...

Dear Friends,

As you know, six weeks ago Tim and I took Meg to college. What you don’t know is that after saying our goodbyes, I discovered a tiny storage closet just down the hall in Meg’s dorm and moved in without telling her.

The original plan was to stay for one night. Maybe two. Meg did not have many overnights growing up and I expected her to reach out in a panic and this way I could be there in a flash.

To my surprise, she didn’t contact me at all. Not even by text or a “like” on one of my funny IG reels. This was obviously very concerning and could only mean she was so discombobulated by the transition to college that she was afraid to reach out.

So I texted Tim from my closet and said I would be staying until further notice.

That is when I began to follow Meg. Yes, I was already tracking her on Life360, but I needed to see her physically. Where she was going, who she was befriending, what she was eating… A mother can just tell things by seeing their child that a roommate or a school administrator can’t.

First things first, I bought various college swag so I would blend in, along with a cute Lululemon skort that all the girls there seemed to have in different colors. I sat in the back row of her classes and took notes, partly in case she fell behind, and partly because I found the subjects genuinely interesting.

Meg was definitely doing a good job pretending to thrive. She surrounded herself with a variety of nice girls who seemed to enjoy her company and vice versa. She was on time for most of her classes. She even joined an ASL sign language club and almost every afternoon she would meet up with them in the cafeteria for ice cream and laugh as they signed to each other.

But something was obviously brewing. Like I said, mother’s intuition.

One red flag was she started going to the gym. As you all know, Meg was a bit of a blob at home and the fact she suddenly cared about her health was disconcerting. But this change made sense when I saw her talking to a boy on the treadmill next to her.

I took a video of the interaction and texted Tim from the stairmaster where I was in disguise with a hoodie over my head. He responded with a “heart emoji” (which just proves what a dolt Tim is). Obviously the last thing Meg needed in that season of her life was a relationship. That would be a gateway to all sorts of new problems.

Being the good mother that I am, I followed the boy back from the gym and cornered him by the campus Chick-fil-A and told him that if he didn’t stay away from Meg, I would be calling campus security and reporting him for sexual harassment. Boy, did that get his attention fast!

Life 360 told me that Meg was safely in for the night, so I went to the library, stole a book on ASL, and brought it back to my closet. I know sign language can be useful for deaf people, but the fact my normal 18-year-old daughter wanted to “speak” it felt like another indication of Meg’s wobbly state and I was all the more glad that I had decided to make that 4 foot by 4 foot room my home away from home.

The next morning at “the caf” I watched as Meg sat down with all her friends and immediately began CRYING.

I KNEW something was wrong.

I moved closer so I could hear more clearly and Meg said something about the boy from the gym suddenly giving her the cold shoulder. She was VERY emotional. ANOTHER red flag.

And with that I swooped in and gave her the matriarchal strength she so desperately needed.

“I’m here, Meg. Mom’s got you,” I said. Then I gave her a smothering hug.

She initially acted quite upset to see me, no doubt a front to “look chill” in front of her “friends.” I explained about the closet and that I’d been following her for weeks and that she could borrow my psychology notes if she needed and how I was the reason the boy at the gym got scared off and how it’s a mother’s job to know what their daughter needs, especially when their daughter can’t see it for herself.

It was my finest hour, if I’m being honest.

Then Meg looked to her friends and signed something with her hands. I had learned just enough from my late-night cram session to roughly translate it:

“My mother is psychotic,” she signed.

I was obviously stung. BUT… if there were ever a giveaway that Meg had completely derailed, that was it. And so I marched over to the administration office and promptly un-enrolled her from college.

Obviously she was not ready for life on her own. She was too immature. Too unstable. And part of that is on us. Frankly, I should have protected her more.

All that to say, Meg has been back home now for a few weeks. She’s been sleeping a lot. We have talked about her taking some classes at the community college in the spring but she’s not sure what she wants to do next. That’s our Meg!

Anyway, just wanted you all to hear it from me first so you know the real story!

All My Love,

Jackie

---