You Just Got Invited to Taylor Swift's Wedding!
Now read, sign, and don't tell a soul
If you’re receiving this letter, it’s because you have made the list of potential guests to Taylor Swift’s secret summer wedding. CONGRATULATIONS!
In order to make the FINAL guest list, please read AND INITIAL the following:
__ I will not tell anyone I am on Taylor Swift’s Secret Summer Wedding guest list.
__ Because the date of Taylor Swift’s Secret Summer Wedding will not be revealed in advance, I will wear wedding attire 24 hours a day between June 16 and Labor Day.
__ I will purchase a wedding gift valued at a minimum of $15,000 and keep it in my possession at all times.
__ On the day of the wedding, I acknowledge that an unmarked Toyota Rav4 will pull up to my apartment/house/palatial estate and honk to the melody of “Shake It Off.” I will then have 90 seconds to exit my residence and get into the Rav4, and will do so without giving friends or family an explanation as to where I’m going or when I will return.
__ If multiple family members have been invited, separate Rav4’s will be provided for each guest.
__ Once inside the Rav4, I will surrender my cell phone and never see it again.
__ If travel to the wedding involves an airplane, I will not complain about flying coach.
__ Upon arrival at the church/mansion/island, I will meet with a team of stylists and allow them to upgrade my hair and makeup as they deem appropriate, along with any outpatient procedures performed by a board licensed plastic surgeon.
__ During the ceremony, I will not use my wedding program as a fan.
Please choose one:
Chicken __
Beef __
__ When the DJ says, “I wanna see ALL Y’ALL on the dance floor!” I will not hesitate to go to the dance floor.
__ If I am a bad dancer, I will begin taking professional dance lessons immediately.
__ Given the likelihood of professional football players in attendance, I acknowledge the danger of participating in the garter toss.
__ I will talk freely about cats (the animal) but not Cats (the musical).
__ I will eat the cake and not pick around it pretending I am eating it.
__ I will not leave early.
__ In the event the couple exits the wedding to a bubble send-off line, I will practice my bubble blowing in advance and focus on blowing multiple small bubbles that fill the area versus one big bubble that pops while still on the wand.
__ I am not John Mayer.
When you have finished initialing this letter, a courier in an old cardigan is waiting outside.
TAYLOR AND TRAVIS ARE EXCITED TO (POTENTIALLY) CELEBRATE THEIR SPECIAL DAY WITH YOU!
What, no vegan options?? I guess I won't be going. How sad, beautiful, tragic.
🤣