“So. Why are you here?”
This is the question Brian Sussman, licensed marriage and family therapist, asked at the beginning of all his sessions with new clients.
For Dennis and Pearl Bradley, married forty-seven years, the answer was easy. They only really ever had one disagreement. Just one. And after spotting Brian’s coupon for a free session in a local mailer, they had finally decided to address it.
“We’re here because Dennis loads the knives in the dishwasher with the pointy side up,” Pearl explained.
Dennis nodded in agreement. “The correct way,” he said.
Brian smiled. He loved working with older couples. They came with such a rich history. Triumphs and tragedies. Children and grandchildren. Even when they had problems that needed attention, they already stood as living legacies to why he chose this career in the first place: because a healthy marriage is the bedrock of a fruitful society.
“You know,” Brian said. “Usually when we have a disagreement over something small, it’s often about something larger. And it’s necessary to get to that larger thing so deeper healing can take place. Do you want to see if we can find that larger thing?”
Pearl and Dennis nodded.
“Great,” Brian said. “Pearl, why does it bother you that the knives are pointy side up?”
Pearl thought about it. “Well, I suppose because when I go to empty the dishwasher, they sometimes cut my hand. Then I start bleeding on the silverware and I have to just re-run the whole cycle,” she explained. “It’s frustrating.”
Brian winced. “That does sound frustrating. Dennis, does it bother you to hear your wife is cutting herself on the knives?”
Dennis shrugged. “She wouldn’t cut herself if she just turned on the kitchen lights.”
Brian noted Dennis’s indifference to his wife’s pain but also... “Pearl, you don’t use the kitchen lights?”
“Dennis says the electricity bill is too high. Which wouldn’t matter if Dennis still had a job.”
Brian scribbled on his iPad, then looked up. “Dennis, I’m wondering if maybe the issue here isn’t the knives, but the instability Pearl feels about you being unemployed.”
“That’s not my fault,” Dennis said. “I’d still have a job if her dumb brother hadn’t sold the company to the Chinese.”
“Don’t bring Randall into this,” Pearl scoffed. “He wouldn’t have had to sell to the Chinese if domestic labor prices didn’t make small-scale American manufacturing nearly impossible!”
Brian wrote furiously.
Dennis rolled his eyes. “Good Lord. Fifty years of marriage and you STILL can’t make peace with John Dunlop’s theory on industrial relations and collective bargaining!”
“Because Dunlop completely discounts the downstream market effects on the supplier!!”
Brian tried to intervene. “I think we should go back to—”
“You know what, Pearl… If you love laissez-faire economics so much, why don’t you go back to Central Europe where you came from?!”
“Dennis—” Brian tried to interject.
“Well I would have LOOOOVED to stay in Central Europe, Dennis, but unfortunately my family was forced to flee thanks to a little something called the Nazi regime!”
Brian piped in. “I’d like to pause—”
Dennis ignored him. “If your ancestors didn’t want the Nazis to come to power, then maybe Otto von Bismarck should have worried less about papal infallibility and more about holding onto central power!”
Pearl leapt from her chair. “AND THERE it is!! Your UNRELENTING critique of the Prussian Empire!”
Dennis jumped to his feet in rage. “Well better than your BLIND DEVOTION, Pearl! Or maybe I should just call you KING FREDERICK THE FIRST!”
“OHHHHH HOW I WISH I WERE! Because I would DRAG YOU to Friedrichstadt and drop you FACE FIRST onto a bed of our sharpest UPSIDE-DOWN KNIVES!!!”
“THAT’S ENOUGH!” Brian yelled, wedging himself between them.
Pearl was hyperventilating. Dennis clutched his hand to his heart. For a moment Brian thought they would both drop dead right there in his office.
“Let’s sit,” Brian suggested, a quiver in his voice.
Pearl slowly caught her breath. Dennis nodded and took a swig of his complimentary bottle of water. Brian wiped a drop of sweat from the screen of his iPad and reviewed his notes.
“Financial worries”
“Trust issues”
“Family resentment”
“Unresolved trauma”
“Political disagreements”
“Prussian Empire?”
“Fantasizing about spouse’s death!!”
Brian didn’t know where to start. He scanned his bookshelf for wisdom. Nothing seemed sufficient. With over 5,000 hours of experience, he was at a professional loss. What seemed clear was that to fix everything wouldn’t take months or even years. It would a decade. And by then Dennis and Pearl Bradley would be dead, having spent their final years together painfully unpacking a half century of hurts. It wasn’t worth it.
“How do you feel about just handwashing the knives?” he asked.
Dennis and Pearl sat in silence. A little confused at first. That didn’t address their larger issues at all. And yet.
“I can probably do that,” Dennis said.
“Me too,” Pearl agreed. “We barely run the dishwasher as it is.”
They both smiled. Dennis reached out his hand to his wife. Pearl took it and squeezed. Then he leaned over and kissed her on the cheek.
Like Inga said, this is hilarious. I really wasn't expecting the Prussian empire to be the bigger issue. But it's sad to see things accumulate and ruin relationships. It's funny how easy it is to let happen. I pray they've found happiness.
This is such a funny, realistic story. I love all three characters. And by conveying Brian’s surprise at the couple, you allowed the reader to be surprised with him. Lovely.