That’s rough, but least you got the job, Brob! Maybe they felt they needed some name diversity, what with Matt working there and all.
I moved to LA in 2008 with my first headshot and a pretty skimpy resume, but the worst part was about 10 months later when I realized I’d typed my phone number incorrectly. I like to think all the major studios immediately called to offer me the lead in their next blockbuster, but they just couldn’t get ahold of me.
Pilot scripts that smelled like fear. Headshots stapled through the forehead. A spec episode of Frasier where Niles joins a biker gang.
But nothing—nothing—prepared me for the day he walked in.
bRobert.
I was mid-spit, collating thirty copies of a Halloween episode that featured a magical zit. Matt was behind the desk, eyeing his stack of resumes like a man choosing which salad to not eat.
Then he entered. Nervous. Hopeful. Tucked shirt like a sacrificial lamb. The air around him smelled faintly of shampoo and destiny.
Matt pulled the stack. Flipped through it.
And there it was.
bRobert Smiley
Bold. 28-point font.
Helvetica. A war crime.
Matt squinted. The air got still. My paper tray fluttered slightly. I knew what was coming.
“So… what’s the deal with your name?”
Oof.
It hit the poor guy like toner to the face.
I’ve jammed more often than a 90s boy band, but even I could feel this jam coming from miles away. And buddy, it jammed hard.
But here’s what I’ll never forget.
He didn’t lie.
He didn’t panic (okay, maybe a little).
He just… confessed. Said it out loud.
“That’s not my name.”
Boom. Right there. In that moment, he reset the machine.
Not me—I kept printing garbage scripts for another four seasons.
He reset his machine.
And wouldn’t you know it?
A few days later, he was back. Holding a coffee for Matt.
Smiling like he knew his name again.
They called him bRobert for weeks.
But he took it like a champ.
And me?
I still remember his warmth every time someone forgets to clear the job tray.
That’s rough, but least you got the job, Brob! Maybe they felt they needed some name diversity, what with Matt working there and all.
I moved to LA in 2008 with my first headshot and a pretty skimpy resume, but the worst part was about 10 months later when I realized I’d typed my phone number incorrectly. I like to think all the major studios immediately called to offer me the lead in their next blockbuster, but they just couldn’t get ahold of me.
Oh man, that is brutal! Maybe... God was protecting you from too much fame too early?
Exactly. He knew I’d probably get super famous because of my amazing skills and irresistible charisma, so he said, “let the two become a one”
POV: Xerox Machine, Modular Building, Paramount Studios — Summer of 1999
I’ve seen things.
Pilot scripts that smelled like fear. Headshots stapled through the forehead. A spec episode of Frasier where Niles joins a biker gang.
But nothing—nothing—prepared me for the day he walked in.
bRobert.
I was mid-spit, collating thirty copies of a Halloween episode that featured a magical zit. Matt was behind the desk, eyeing his stack of resumes like a man choosing which salad to not eat.
Then he entered. Nervous. Hopeful. Tucked shirt like a sacrificial lamb. The air around him smelled faintly of shampoo and destiny.
Matt pulled the stack. Flipped through it.
And there it was.
bRobert Smiley
Bold. 28-point font.
Helvetica. A war crime.
Matt squinted. The air got still. My paper tray fluttered slightly. I knew what was coming.
“So… what’s the deal with your name?”
Oof.
It hit the poor guy like toner to the face.
I’ve jammed more often than a 90s boy band, but even I could feel this jam coming from miles away. And buddy, it jammed hard.
But here’s what I’ll never forget.
He didn’t lie.
He didn’t panic (okay, maybe a little).
He just… confessed. Said it out loud.
“That’s not my name.”
Boom. Right there. In that moment, he reset the machine.
Not me—I kept printing garbage scripts for another four seasons.
He reset his machine.
And wouldn’t you know it?
A few days later, he was back. Holding a coffee for Matt.
Smiling like he knew his name again.
They called him bRobert for weeks.
But he took it like a champ.
And me?
I still remember his warmth every time someone forgets to clear the job tray.
You're right. Matt is the true hero of this story.